Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Oh, How the Times have Changed

Dear Mikayla,

Do you ever look at modern advertising and think, "What the hell were they thinking?" I sure have. Can you imagine being the person to pitch such ideas? Let's talk about the Gilette Women's Shave-Down-There commercials. Those are weird. Or that little puppy that goes to a spa and luxuriates in purple-coordinated products. That kind of makes me want to barf.
Well, a few days ago my BFF from Texas, Mary, sent me this link:
In it was a delightful sassy commented article about how advertising has changed throughout the years. I've taken it upon myself to share these images, and snarkily comment on them myself. Some of the sass is similar--why fix what ain't broke?" Do enjoy.

If my husband promised to spank me every time I didn't "store-test" the coffee, I wouldn't. EVER. Come to think of it, this advertisement was probably incredibly ineffective in the seemingly kinky sex-depraved 1950s.

Oh NO! Your child has just managed to knock a bathtub on top of himself. Whew, okay, don't worry, he used Pears' Soap. Thank God.

Oh, yum. This definitely makes me want to eat some meat.

Ah, the creepy baby. Creepy baby, you could be an entire blogpost by yourself. Creepy babies love rootbeer. Maybe the fact that Root Beer was marketing as a children's drink is what made this child's brand-new teeth shrivel and disappear into a freaky, moderate grin. God, I hope that's all that is wrong.

Yes. Yes, It is.

Oh! Family Memories! (This reminds me of my family. Only difference--we don't look like we enjoy each other's company that much.)

Seven to Seventeen! Improper Gun use is appropriate for all ages! *NOTE TO FAMILY* Beware "Daisy..."

Because nothing is better than feasting on the blood of the innocent.
(original comment on link--not my own sass, but still hilarious)

Horray! Obesity was spotted years ago! Too bad nobody handled lack of knowledge in a helpful manner.
Also--if I wanted the free Winter Fashion Book, could I just claim to be chubby? Or does the store employee actually have to call me fat? Thanks, Lane Bryant.

Five Demon Boys in Every Chocolate Bar. Guaranteed.

Because child molestation is always in style.

*Note to BlogWorld. The above is irony. I do not endorse or approve of any of my sass.

Who thought this was a good idea?

Oh, and my all-time favorite: The Woman Rug

*Again, all sass listed above is sarcasm and irony. I do not want any misconceptions about my views. If you did think I was serious, get over yourself. The end.

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